Wandering through the mists of time you found me... but for a moment
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| Lost in the mists Wandering through the mists of time you found me... but for a moment |
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Saturday, February 25, 2006 sometimes people do stupid things.. just to fill that void in them.. sometimes people just do controversial stuff, coz all they want is attention. some people need to be constantly busy, to block out thoughts and feelings, coz they dunno what to do wif them.. sometimes all i feel is that i have built an all imposing dark tower, impressive and awesome.. when all there is inside is a cell, where someone is chained willingly in darkness.. sometimes i wish that someone who can read my mind would just come and... love me. posted by lost child | 10:32 PM Amidst all the fun and games, amid all the walking and stuff to occupy myself, there is always an ever present thought. I do not belong here. Its not that i am racist or what, but i guess when all you mainly see are caucasians and their culture, its hard to be totally at ease. Its tiring to meet new people, new cultures all the time... sometimes my reticent nature just wanna clamp down and hide in a corner to seek some refuge from the angmohness.. It is also kinda strange to see the dating culture here. Mebbe I am the oldest thats why, but it gives me the same old feeling i had during the Youth Camp i attended just a few months ago. Puppy Love is in the air, except now people play for keeps. Its hard not to join the crowd and just find someone to accompany you, provide support and help pass the days... In fact its tempting and its difficult to think NO. Actually what are the reasons for no? I cant find a good counter argument that stands. Hence, although i understand the rationale that overseas students tend to stick together and find partners among themselves, I cannot DENY that the flash of irritation and jealousy that burned through me when i read the recent posts on vball blog. Its irrational and illogical that i should feel what i felt. But i did. And was troubled. But i got over it.. or is it me deceiving myself as usual, burying unsolved problems deeeep under the soil of my memory to hope it will just go away? Damn it all. I am here to study and get my As. I will try to join the Varsity Vball team if possible, and go on lots of tours and tramping around the place. I am not here to get DOPEY and UNSTABLE. Duty always comes first. posted by lost child | 2:32 AM Thursday, February 23, 2006 I tot abt it really hard last night... I have a group blog for me to know whats going on with my frens' life. I have a personal blog that accompanied for 4 yrs and now is my archive of that life. I have a blog now that attempts to show the fun/ interesting stuff in NZ... I need one for my inside tots, those tots that make me sad, jealous, angry, frustrated or just plain feel like crying. Since i have this poem blog.. i guess i might as well use it after it died for 2 years... haiz......... posted by lost child | 3:53 PM |
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